Back in October, I blogged about how Katie Holmes was gearing up for a drug-free "silent birth," something practitioners of Scientology do during childbirth. Apparently Scientolofreaks believe it is "traumatic" for babies to hear their mother scream, moan, or make any other loud noises when giving birth. They think it can cause “psychic damage," which takes years of therapy to overcome.

Tom Cruise—"following the Scientology tradition of a silent birth" — has had six-foot tall posters (six-freakin'-feet tall, people) placed around his Beverly Hills mansion to remind Katie how to comport herself during labor. US Weekly refers Cruise's latest "directing project" as Mission Impossible 4.

One of the posters allegedly reads: “Be silent and make all physical movements slow and understandable…”

Just so we're all on the same page, were talking about a person (Tom Cruise) who believes that an evil alien overlord named Xenu "brought billions of frozen people to Earth 75 million years ago, stacked them around volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs." Their souls then attached themselves to living human bodies, and "they are the root of many problems today." Problems that only Scientology can solve.

I'm sorry, but would you let this foolio tell you how to birth your baby?

Free Katie!

[photo: Bauer-Griffin.com]